Moment in Time
by undeadmetalhead
Summary: If you could change your past, would you? In this story, Gaara revisits himself in the past and alters his future to save himself from a lonely life without love. Will he be able to get the boy of his dreams named Neji? Find out in this story.
1. Chapter 1 Damn Regret

Chapter 1 Damn Regret

before you read I would like to warn you that this fanfic is YAOI, so please turn back if you are uncomfortable with homosexual relationships.

**Moment in Time**

_for Dana._

If you had one wish, and you could wish for anything in the world, what would you wish for? Well, if you ask me I'd turn back time.

You see, never had I lived with regret up until now. I never regretted beating up bastards lacking common decency back in the past. I never regretted making friends. Never had I regretted my impulses of murderous intent. But, there is one thing I regret, and that is denying love. Denying all those moments when he gave me signs, signs that I was too reluctant to pick up. Maybe I was just scared, yeah, scared. I suppose I was too scared. I didn't go along with life until I was devoid of my own sanity and self respect. You see, my friends, I died a lonely bastard. Yes, lonely. Lonely as a fucking caveman waiting to die alone. Lost in the wilderness in a place filled with hardships and degradation, and also love. We call this shit hole of guilty pleasures Life.

Oh how I wish I never died a virgin. Ha, I was such a pathetic ass who would always push away those who cared for him. The truth is I was afraid to love. I had a fear of losing those I love, so while I was still living my happy go lucky (not) life, I made an oath to not love. Now I wish I had broken it.

The heavens have given me another chance. Who would have thought I'd go to heaven? All my life as a mortal I assumed I'd be burning in hell in the afterlife.

They said I could change the present and return to earth if I could change myself back in the past. Hell, I'm pretty excited about this. To revisit him. The only person that I truly loved _in that way. _His name was Neji Hyuuga, how could I ever forget him? I mean, the bastard's name was engraved into my head, and his face would show up in every fucking moment of the day! I _loved him, _or perhaps, I'm still in love with him.

Okay, I'll explain how this is supposed all supposed to work out. I'm supposedly a mentor or guardian to my little, self assured, conceited, arrogant self back on earth. I would try to change all those times I denied loving him. Him as in Neji…my only love. Shit I'm getting too damn mushy now! I'll slap myself now. Right, I will make myself accept love every time I was reluctant to agree to it, and you get the point, right?

So it all began when my mother died when I was fourteen. I was really depressed at the time, and didn't know what to believe in anymore. I had lost faith in everyone. Lost faith in myself. I felt that my mother was the only one in the family who could really understand me. Of course, there was Kankurou and Temari, my older siblings, who would try to be responsible older role models to me when they could, but most of the time it never worked. Mother knew me. I mean, it's not that Kankurou and Temari don't, but they just don't seem like the type who would want to listen to my problems. There is only one unanswered question I've wanted to ask all this time, where did she go? If I'm up here in heaven, then why isn't she here?

Konoha…

Let us begin.

I slowly float down from the sky as if I were just a feather, I feel like I can touch the clouds. I feel so free being dead, yet I feel incarcerated and imprisoned at the same time. Tiny molecules and cloud vapor of cumulus clouds passing right through my fingers as I comb through them. The sun rays gently kissing my skin. They feel so warm. My hair tangled with the yellow light making the crimson strands turn vermillion. I breathe, yet my heart isn't beating. I feel, yet I am dead. As opposed to living, I felt dead and couldn't feel anything. I breathed and wanted to make that stop.

I'm getting closer to my house. God I feel so happy to see it. It's the last two-story house on Yagami St. It was a simple house, it looked pleasant and cozy on the outside, with my mother's rose garden, yet inside, was a teenager consumed with angst and on the verge of suicide. Such a contradiction. Light and dark. Life and death.

I finally get close to the red roof, slightly defaced by rain, but looked considerably good enough. I suppose I would land with my own two feet, but I'm going right through the roof. Wow. This is pretty cool! My body is half way through the rooftop with only my torso exposed.

Going down, and further into my…what looks like my room. God I have never been so glad to see this shit hole.

It's dark as usual, but the room was light enough to distinguish objects. The blinds were tightly shut, lampshade's broken. Door closed and locked, as usual. And there I am, sitting and sulking in my bed. I somewhat pity myself now. Who am I kidding, I feel like beating some sense into my self to wake up and smell the flowers!

I see something shining in the light in my peripheral vision, oh yeah; the knife I relentlessly slit my forearms with. It was thrown away to the side of the computer like the piece of shit it was. I hated that knife, yet it made me feel so good. Just like I had once loved, but it all went downhill once I lost someone important to me.

Mom.

I remember the first time I tried to bleed it all away. I was entering high school at the time, and my mother's death really started to torture me. In addition, I was being teased by fuck heads who knew nothing about pain. Damn them to hell! I was sitting alone in my room found my pocket knife my uncle had given me on my twelfth birthday. He said to use it when necessary, but I don't think he meant it to be used as an instrument of mutilation. At least I hope he didn't.

I see blood stains that looked like they were corroding the steel, like stains you could never get rid of. I see a silhouette, a clone of me sitting on the bed. Face down and listening to music intently. I hear myself faintly singing along with The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus's, _Misery loves its company. _I smile as I remember all the lyrics to that song. I wonder if I can see myself. Should I test it out? Oh yeah, duh! Of course I'm supposed to be able to see myself, how the fuck am I supposed to communicate with me? Woah…this is confusing you, isn't it?

I walk closer to the silent shadow, the red appeared maroon in the dim room and the skin somewhat glowed white.

Well, here goes nothing. I extend a hand to tap myself on the shoulder. (Note, he's talking about tapping the living Gaara)

I see him jump, well, I see myself jump. He looks at me like he's seen a ghost. (Pun intended)

"What the fuck?!" he screams. He slowly shuffles away and tries to get closed to his wall.

"Looks like you've seen a ghost, Gaara-kun" I snickered, for some reason I somewhat felt like a Seme at the moment.

"This isn't real…please tell me this isn't real" the living Gaara muttered.

"Oh, it is real..." I reply.

OWARI! next chapter coming soon!

Okay so, I want you guys to review if you want me to continue. PLEASE???


	2. Chapter 2 Seeing Double

Chapter 2 Seeing Double

Recap:

_I extend a hand to tap myself on the shoulder. (Note, he's talking about tapping the living Gaara)_

_I see him jump, well, I see myself jump. He looks at me like he's seen a ghost. (Pun intended) _

"_What the fuck?!" he screams. He slowly shuffles away and tries to get close to his wall. _

"_Look's like you've seen a ghost, Gaara-kun" I snickered, for some reason I somewhat felt like a Seme at the moment._

"_This isn't real…please tell me this isn't real" the living Gaara muttered. _

"_Oh, it is real..." I reply. _

End of recap

"No! It's not!" screams the frightened redhead.

I cross my arms with a smile left askew on my lip. I sighed at the sight my startled self, a mirror image, a double. I take baby steps towards him; trying my best to not scare him as much as he already is. I see double panicking, wide-eyed, tiny beads of sweat reflects some of the little light the room could offer. It was day time after all. Sure enough, there would at least be some sunlight escaping into the room.

"Who are you?!"

I laugh at my own arrogance.

"Can't you see? I'm you."

"No…no! I don't have a twin! And most of all, you're not me!"

I reach the bed and kneel on the mattress and move closer to him. I lean towards the shaking Gaara and place an arm around his shoulder. My lips slowly draw closer to his ear. The closer I get the more I feel his heart beat faster.

"This is real; you'll have to accept it." I whisper in his ear. _God this is such a weird scenario. It kind of looks like I'm about to rape myself, which I'm not going to do. I'm not a horn dog._

"Wha-what do you want with me?" he muttered without batting an eye to look at his clone.

"I'm here to change you're future." I take my arm off of his shoulder and sit down cross legged beside him. "Gaara, you have to change. You have no idea of what's in store for you if you don't."

"Wha…what is?"

"You don't wanna know…"

Gaara (living) closed his eyes and hit himself as to wake up from a dream. Unfortunately, it didn't work.

"Sorry, Gaa-chan. You won't get rid of me that easily." I smirk and stifle a small laugh.

"Don't call me that." he replies wryly.

"I'll call you what I want."

_There he goes again, my clone is glaring at me._

"Aw, don't look at me like that."

Another scowl.

"I have a feeling that we are not gonna get along too well. I've changed, Gaara. In the end, you'll understand." I say.

"…."

"You really annoy me…." I continue.

"I should be saying that to you."

"Shut up!"

"No, you shut up." Gaara retorts.

"So, I see that you're about to go to school." I ask him.

"You would know. You've lived this life before."

**(First person is hard to write so I'll write in 3rd person for now, okay?)**

"Gaara! Get ready; it's almost time for school." A female voice resounds from outside the door.

"Fine." Gaara replies almost pessimistically.

He begrudgingly slides off his bed and grabs for his bag in the far end of the room near the closet. Gaara grunts and pulls down his rolled up sleeves to hide his cuts.

_I remember doing that._

"Okay, I want you to stay here. I don't want you stalking me at school."

"I don't stalk, I merely guide."

Gaara cynically sighed. He knew that his ghost wouldn't spare a moment to _not_bother him.

"Since I know myself enough to know that I don't listen all too well, I'll give you a new name. I don't want to call my doppelganger Gaara. It feels weird. What name would you prefer? And don't choose a stupid one."

"I don't know, you choose."

"Akira. Fine, it's Akira."

"Okay."

_Hmm...I look quite hot when I'm depressed. Androgynous as my look may be, for some have mistaken me for a girl, I'm still pretty good looking. Ha, I guess my face beset with angst didn't look that bad._

Gaara shrugs and unlocks his door; his low level of happiness seemed to languish by the moment as soon as he made his way downstairs. He trudges down each step like the whole fucking world was placed upon his shoulders.

_I remember doing that too._

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Akira slides off the bed and peeks from the door left ajar. He follows Gaara to the kitchen and watches him scowl at his siblings.

"Don't you think it's about time you start your day happy for once, Gaara? I mean, it's the first day of school and you're already moping like school is gonna kill ya." Said Kankurou, sounding as caring as he could, although he did grow tired of repeating himself to his angsty little brother. He put arm around Gaara.

"It already _has_, and it can't kill me anymore than it has." The redhead replied sardonically.

_What an ass _I _was. I wish I could have just realized that Kankurou was just trying to be a brother to me, and I pushed him aside. Wow. This is painful to watch._

"No, you seem quite alive, and school is not going to kill you." Added his sister.

"Well, I seem deader to me than alive to you, so please leave me alone." Gaara shrugged Kankurou's arm off of his shoulders and grabbed his bag of lunch on the counter. Kankurou and Temari watched as their little brother left for the exit to wait outside for them.

"Does he always have to do that?" Kankurou's face turned disappointed.

"He's just growing up. He's only sixteen after all, and mom's death was only two years ago. And you should know how dejected he had been when mom died."

"I just wish we could do something. You know, to change him."

"Me too, Kankurou. Me too."

_Man, I must have really made my siblings feel terrible. _

Akira felt sympathy towards them as he almost felt himself tear from one eye.

"I know how it feels, Gaara. I haven't changed completely." Akira said inwardly. "But I've changed enough to love."

Akira tiptoed down to the final step. He walked across the kitchen floor with precautions. Kankurou suddenly turned around and Akira met with his eyes.

Nothing happened.

_So I guess they _can't _see me…phew._

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Gaara noticed Temari and Kankurou entering the front yard and walking over to the car. He got in and just sat there.

"Hello, Gaara."

Gaara got startled again and turned to Akira to give him the death glare of all death glares.

"Do that again and you'll wish you had never stalked me." He turned around from Akira to face the car seat in front of him.

"I told you I wasn't stalking you, I'm guiding you. G-U-I-D--."

"Shut up! Not another word!"

"I-N-G…" Akira continued. He loved to see himself spazz out like that. He had no idea why.

"You're such an asshole!" Gaara yelled.

"Look who's talking." Akira mockingly replied.

Kankurou and Temari heard the screams and yells and other colorful language coming from the car.

"Um…You don't think our brother's psychophrenic, do you Temari?"

"I'll just assume he isn't…."

"Let's go."

The drive to Konoha High was as silent as ever. Kankurou stared into the empty voids of the endless blue sky. Temari kept her eyes on the road and Gaara. Well, Gaara did what he usually did. Scowl while listening to his iPod of course.

Akira heard the faint drum beats and guitar riffs coming from the speakers.

_What was that song? Oh yeah, Alkaline Trio's Dethbed._

_Calling all cars, all coroners, we've got a dead one here  
And anybody else receiving this, the west coast is far from clear  
Like a time bomb or sudden death  
It's gonna find you when you least expect  
It's gonna leave you with the emptiest feeling inside (over analyzed) _

They found me face-down in the street on the night you left to find,  
Another place to sleep in rain and regret  
They said they tried everything but it was no use  
Yeah, they tried everything and everyone but you

Falling like stars into the ocean black, we're gonna disappear  
And anything left recognizable is rubbed away with fear  
We've got our hearts dipped in time release  
We've got the know-how and the elbow grease  
We've got our victim all cut up down here on the floor (over and out the door)

They found me face down in the street on the night you left to find,  
Another place to sleep in rain and regret  
They said they tried everything but it was no use  
Yeah, they tried everything and everyone but you

...One but you  
...One but you

They found me face down in the street on the night you left to find,  
Another place to sleep in rain and regret  
They said they tried everything but it was no use  
Yeah, they tried everything and everyone but you.

"I like that song." Akira whispered in Gaara's ear, hoping Gaara would hear it.

Gaara turns his face to look at Akira.

"You're getting too close to me. Don't bust my bubble."

Akira sighs, then rolls his eyes and turns away to look at the windows.

"We're here!" said Kankurou.

"C'mon, Gaara." Temari opened her door first and then went to open he younger brother's.

Gaara reluctantly stepped outside and winced at the sunlight that breached his skin. He cringed at the sight of the bright spring sun.

"Ugh…someone, anyone get me away from this hellhole." Whispered Gaara.

_Yes, I remember the time when I said that. _

Akira gave a nostalgic sigh.

Gaara entered the school building. He saw nothing but a crowded hall full of freaks.

**Gaara's POV **

Sakura, the school hooker since seventh grade. Sasuke, that egotistical, self-assured bastard. Supposedly he likes Naruto, but I'll believe that when I see it. People say I'm like him, but I'm far from being a bastard Uchiha like him and his brother Itachi. Hinata, that quiet girl. I seriously wonder what she does for a hobby. Naruto, that hyperactive freak. Chouji, that guy who threatened to eat me in seventh grade because I stole his cookies. Ten ten, the weird girl who collects knives and thinks I'll like her just because she likes sharp, pointy objects too. Ino, yeah, that pig. Shikamaru, that strange guy who says everything is bothersome, hell he's emo-er than me sometimes. And finally, Lee, that bushy eyebrow dude who always hangs out with the other bushy eyebrow guy in tight spandex. Those bushy, black things scare me. Are they alive? Nothing FREAKS…

**End of Gaara's POV**

"Better get to class, Gaara." Akira said within the crowd.

"Don't tell me what to do."

Gaara stuffed his hand into his pocket and got his schedule.

**First Period-Chemistry and Physics**

**Break**

**Second Period-English and Literature**

**Lunch**

**Third Period-Art**

**Fourth Period-Gym**

"Shit…I hate science, especially physics. I'm better off black mailing Hillary Duff for fun. Damn that bitch."

Akira stifled a chuckle, especially the part about black mailing Hillary Duff. He hated her as much as his living self did.

"I feel your pain," said Akira.

"Well, I'm glad we can agree on something."

"Me too."

The bell rings.

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Gaara enters the classroom, no one notices, all except one cheerful blonde. Naruto, who else?

The blonde smiled and beckoned Gaara to sit next to him. There were two seats. The redhead gave him a glare in return which could only mean one thing, and that thing was NO.

"Aw, c'mon, Gaara. He's just trying to be nice." Whispered Akira from behind.

"He's been doing this ever since I was new in seventh grade. When is that idiot going to realize that I hate him? Ugh."

"Go on, just sit next to him."

"No."

"Yes."

"No!" Gaara was raising his voice now.

"Yes!"

"No!" his voice went from normal to louder.

"Take your seats please!" said the teacher in the room.

The seats were soon filled by students, except the two stools next to the blonde.

"Damn…"muttered Gaara.

Akira smiles and watches as he sees his living double sulk all the way from the door to the seat. He sat in the seat farthest from Naruto.

"Ohaio Gozaimasu, Gaara-kun!" says the jovial blonde.

"Shut up, don't talk to me."

_Did I really say that?_

Naruto frowns and gives his attention to Iruka-sensei.

"Welcome to tenth grade! I hope that we have fun this year and we'll be able to get along!" says Iruka to his students.

"Yeah, right." Mutters the redhead.

The classroom door opens and enters a brunette. Gaara sees him looks at him longer than he expected. He was a handsome fellow, that's what he was. Pearly, white eyes that shimmered like a lake blanketed by moonlight. A face so well sculpted, and suggestive lips. Long, dark hair neatly tied back. And finally, that body, elongated, yet graceful.

Akira turned away and blushed. Gaara saw this and gave him questioning eyes.

"You know him?" he quietly asked.

"Well, yeah. He's a very important person to me."

The glassy, misted eyes locked with Gaara's emerald pupils. A small smile appeared on the brunette's lips. Unfortunately, Gaara felt that the smile was a scary one. He wasn't used to people smiling to him in such a way that he felt, I don't know, flustered? It was beautiful smile, yet it had an eerie undertone which Gaara couldn't completely comprehend.

"Class, this is our new student, Hyuuga Neji. He just moved to Konoha two days ago, please make him feel welcome." Iruka pointed to the seat between Naruto and Gaara.

"Oh God, please don't tell me the new kid's gonna sit next to me…."

Neji met gazes with Gaara again. He sat down and Naruto gave him a welcoming smile.

"I'm Naruto Uzumaki! You must be Hinata-chan's cousin, I'm glad to meet you!"

"Yeah, glad to meet you too."

Neji turned to face Gaara again.

"Are you scared of me?" asked the Hyuuga.

"No, why would I be? And don't talk to me…."replied Gaara bitterly.

"I see it in your eyes, don't worry I don't bite…"said Neji grinning.

Gaara didn't know what to feel, he somewhat felt that last remark Neji gave him was another one of those 'you're so cute I could just eat you up' statements, only they would really eat you up. For this matter, Gaara thought Neji would really bite. There were only two words which could explain all his emotions at the moment. Freaked out.

Thanks for reading! wait for the next chapter!

PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!it would really encourage me!

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	3. Chapter 3 Flirtatious Fraternizing

Chapter 3 Flirtatious Fraternizing

**Recap:**

_Neji turned to face Gaara again._

"_Are you scared of me?" asked the Hyuuga._

"_No, why would I be? And don't talk to me…."replied Gaara bitterly._

"_I see it in your eyes, don't worry I don't bite…"said Neji grinning._

_Gaara didn't know what to feel, he somewhat felt that last remark Neji gave him was another one of those 'you're so cute I could just eat you up' statements, only they would really eat you. For this matter, Gaara thought Neji would really bite. There were only one two words to explain all his emotions at the moment. Freaked out._

**End of Recap.**

Akira chuckled at Neji's fast-paced fashion of hitting on people. Especially on the first day of school.

_Yes, yes those wonderful days…_

Gaara scowled at Neji and tightened his fists in annoyance.

"What?" asked the Hyuuga.

"What the fuck is with the 'don't worry I don't bite' shit?!" asked Gaara as he copied Neji's words in a mocking tone.

Neji crossed his arms and sighed.

"Nothing." He replied.

"What kind of an answer is that?!"

"It's still an answer."

"What the fuck is wrong with this guy?" muttered Gaara under his breath, quiet enough so that only his eyes could hear his voice, well, only low enough that his and Akira's ear could hear his voice.

"I know, he's such an ass on the first day of school. But to be honest, it kind of adds a bit of sexiness to his character don't you think?" said Akira.

"You know, I really wonder what you and this guy shared before you died…"

"Oh, we shared a lot." Akira winked at Gaara and disappeared from thin air.

"What does he mean by that?" Gaara mentally asked himself. He just shrugs and faces the board.

"Okay! Quiet down, class!" Iruka-sensei yells. "I'm going to tell you what your are going to learn this year. This year, you are going to continue learning chemical equations, determining if they are stable materials, how to balance them with more complicated materials, and the basics of Physics, and if you're lucky enough to survive this class with a high average you may be able to move one level up to AP Physics and Biology, instead of taking normal classes next year. But before we start, I want to know what you want to learn this year, and if there is anything I can do to better your learning experience this year with me. So please feel free to ask any questions at anytime." Iruka searched around the room and the glint of red in the corner of his eye.

"Ah, yes. You." He pointed. "Gaara, I presume?"

The redhead scowled, but replied anyways.

"Yeah...Gaara."

"Okay, Gaara. Tell me what you would like to learn this year."

"What I would like to learn this year? Well, maybe I can learn how to mix the most unstable chemicals and blow up this whole damn school, and maybe learn to combine chemical acids to burn this guy's fucking eyes out! Or maybe burn something else of his!" He screamed as he pointed to Neji.

"Wow…"muttered the Hyuuga while other gasps resounded around the whole room.

Iruka looked at the redhead shocked, scared and uncertain if he should send him out. He had never had a student such as Gaara in his class, but he was willing to take a chance with him.

"I'm sorry, Gaara. But according to school rules, I cannot teach you to do those unsafe things. As teacher to you and your peers I will not allow you to speak like that in class again, okay? I understand that it is the first day of school and you're probably stressed, but it doesn't mean you can shoot your mouth off just like you did. I will not send you to the principal today, but if this was ever to happen I again prepare yourself to face the consequences. I'm sorry if I seem like a mean teacher, but I'm doing this for your own good, Gaara."

"Whatever…"he replies dryly.

"Maybe you should learn to be nicer, Gaara" whispers Akira from behind.

"I thought you were dead and gone forever…" Gaara mutters.

"I am, that's why I can't die again. But I'm not gone yet…" Akira disappears again.

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In the middle of class.

"Class please get your pencils and notebooks out. We are going to take a few notes. I know it's the first day so I'm not giving you much, okay?"

A few complaints were heard from a couple of students in the back, but everyone still complied with Iruka's order.

Gaara reached for his bag and searched for his notebook and pencils. He first placed his notebook on the desk, then his pencil. The pencil rolled off the desk. Neji saw this and reached down to get it. Unfortunately, for Gaara, he was late to see his pencil roll off his desk and had to face this awkward position he was left with once he turned his body to get his pencil. The awkward position left him with Neji's head between his legs and his face so close to his own crotch.

Neji looked up into the emerald eyes and blushed a bit, Gaara did too.(note, these are the big science tables which can fit around three people per table.) It was embarrassing, but for Neji, he somewhat enjoyed it. Duh. The Hyuuga recoiled to his seating position and handed the pencil to his classmate. His pale fingers brushed against Gaara's even paler hands. The redhead felt strange, he felt a sudden warmth when their hands made contact with each other. Gaara sat there with his hand extended and a blank almost dead expression on his face. The warmth he sensed from those fingers felt so strange to him, he had never felt anything like it.

"Gaara? Gaaaaara?" Neji whispered. "You can have your hand back now."

The redhead slightly shook his head to wake from his stupor and quickly drew back his hand.

"Um…sorry about that, Gaara."

The redhead glared at him with fierceness behind his eyes.

"Don't touch me again, Hyuuga." Gaara snarled.

"I said I'm sorry…" Neji turns around confused and disappointed.

_A feisty one this guy is…hmm…he seems like my type. _Neji thinks to himself.

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Time passes quickly and class ends.

"Have a great day, class" Iruka says aloud to his students. Gaara quickly packs up his belongings. A glint of red hair catches Iruka's eye again. "Gaara-kun, come here please." The redhead begrudgingly treads over to his sensei.

"What?" he asks.

Iruka just ignored Gaara's tone and sighed.

"Gaara, you know the new student, Neji? I want you to be his buddy for the next few days. The reason why I'm asking you to do this is because you've been to this school for a long time."

"Now how would you know that?"

"Naruto always talks about you…" Iruka smiled.

Gaara scowled, yet felt somewhat flattered by his remark.

"Will you do it, Gaara? I mean, you two have the exact same classes. Please."

"_C'mon Gaara-kun…I promise you it won't kill you." _Snickered Akira from behind him.

"Shut up…" Gaara whispered.

"What, Gaara?"

"Um…nothing. Fine. Yeah. I'll do it."

"Thank you, Gaara."

The redhead walks away thinking about how regrettable that conversation was. Him and Neji? Buddies?

"What the fuck is going on?" the redhead asks himself.

"_You're about to learn…"_

Gaara turns to look behind him "What do you mean by learning something thing?"

"_I can't tell you just yet."_

XDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDX

**Lunchtime**

The cafeteria was spacious and not crowded. Even though there was a lot of space it was surprisingly loud. Gaara flinched as the sudden sound of laughter, talking, ambiguous whispers and some other stupid noises coming from the students of Konoha High. A large group of girls sitting at one table altogether, Gaara referred to them as the preppy bitches. He knew what they did after school. Offering themselves to any guy they revered as hot and bitched about who stole whose boyfriends. They may act like friends, but they're nothing but a bunch of backstabbers. They couldn't get more superficial and shallow than they already were. He always hated high school cliques.

The dork table was occupied by kids whose pants were up too high and found talking about algebraic equations amusing.

"Jeez…"the redhead whispers to himself.

There were many rows of tables filled with hungry teenagers. Some played with their food, some ate like pigs, and some just chose to ignore it. He frowned as he spotted the energetic blonde at a table across from him.

"Shit…" he murmured.

Naruto was waving like an idiot beckoning Gaara to walk over to the lunch table. Worst of all, Neji was also sitting beside him.

"_Oh for fuck's sake! Go over there, you fruit turd!_

Gaara slung his arm behind him to hit Akira in the face. The pale fist quickly collided with his alter ego, but instead it past right though him. Gaara eyes Akira with inquisition.

"What?! I thought...I thought…."

"_You thought wrong, Gaara. I can be physically present only if I want to. Remember I'm a ghost of you."_

"Fuck you."

"_Oh please don't, Gaara."_

Gaara scowls, and then shrugs it off. Tiny footsteps headed toward the table with the annoying blonde and the Hyuuga bastard.

"Oi! Gaara! C'mon you don't have all the time in the world!" screams Naruto as he cupped his hands around his mouth.

"How troublesome…." Mutters a voice within the staring crowd of friends.

Jade-green pupils give a glare.

"I'll walk as fast as I want, baka!" the redhead screams back.

Naruto jarringly recoiled with a grimacing look of fear on his face.

"Geez…does he have to be that mean?" he asks.

Neji turns over to Naruto and smiles.

"I suppose."

"What'dya mean by that?!"

"Oh, nothing, Naruto."

After 10 minutes of hesitant walking Gaara finally makes it to the lunch table.

"Please sit where you like, Gaara." Smiles a jovial blonde.

"Shut up." He replies wryly.

"_Hmm…let's see. Who shall Gaara-kun sit by? Him!" _he points to Chouji. _"um..naaaah…he might eat you, remember the last time you talked to him? How about the Hyuuga?"_

"No."

"_Aww, c'mon."_

"No."

"_I'll tell Chouji that you ate his last potato chip."_

"Fine."

Gaara sits next to Neji and scowls the ugliest of scowls. Apparently the Hyuuga seems to keep shuffling nearer and nearer to the redhead.

"Why don't you go buy some lunch, Gaara? You can go with Neji 'cuz he doesn't have his yet."

"_Go.."_

Gaara sighs and stands up, and he waves at Neji to follow him to the lunch line. They arrived there, but the line seemed to be long. More students started to line up behind the Hyuuga, which made him draw closer to Gaara. Closer and closer until his crotch was practically rubbing against Gaara's tight, little ass. Gaara jolted for a moment while his eyes remained wide open. He stood in the line stiffly, without moving a finger, blinking an eye, without breathing.

"Oh crap."

He sees Akira at the corner of his eye almost laughing himself to death. A scarlet tinge of crimson slowly started to appear across Gaara's ashen cheeks. He looked quite cute just to be blunt about it. With his eyes wide open, a mortified look on his face, and the blush that degraded his self-respect. Akira just couldn't resist his impulse to laugh like an idiot. He smothered his hand over his mouth to stifle his convulsions of laughter.

"_Yare, yare…this is just too good. I wish I could take a picture."_

Neji had realized that his manhood was right against Gaara's butt and inwardly smirked. He somewhat liked the feeling.

"Aren't you gonna eat that burger, Gaara?"

Gaara looked at Chouji and generously slid his plate of burger and fries towards him.

"You can have it; I lost my appetite while waiting in line."

"I'm sorry, Gaara." Neji rolled his eyes and bit his lip.

"Yeah, um, sorry is not enough for now knowing that you were acting like a fucking homosexual on me at the line!"

"Oh my! The new kid's gay!" said a familiar voice.

Sasuke slammed his open water bottle and the liquid spilled all over Naruto. The water landed 'there'.

"Teme! What the fuck do you want?!"

Sasuke grinned and threw the water bottle aside; he beckoned the gang to back him up. Itachi, his older brother, with his other gang of friends called the Akatsuki. Gaara never knew why they called themselves that, but whatever, they could call themselves the Muffin Men for all he cared. They were always the most popular group in school. All followed by sluts who needed boyfriends. Deidara, that blonde dude who has weird hair. Orochimaru, the perverted one..some say he has a long tongue, and finally Sasori, who always held a strange resemblance to Gaara. It must've been the hair.

"We just came by to say hello to you losers." Said Sasuke.

"You know, it seems like you fancy the blonde loser." Gaara shouted out.

Naruto cheered for Gaara, but then realized that he was also being made fun of.

"Oi! You just called me a loser!"

"Shut up, I know, Naruto."

Sasuke crossed his arms and turned to his gang and whispered insults towards the group sitting at the table.

"Oh yeah, why would you think I like that bastard?"

"I hear he's all you talk about. You never give him a break, and you can't let the day go without making up sad excuses to go see him."

The Uchiha froze for a small second, his lips trembled a bit.

"Am I right?"

Sasuke scowled back, but gave no audible reply. He turned his back to them and shoved his friends away. They shrugged and just followed him.

"What the heck was that?" asked Shikamaru.

"I don't know…." The redhead replied.

XDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDX

Last Period

Gym

Gaara grimaced. His usual lack of happiness soon became the 'deprivation of all there is to be'. He hated gym class more than anything, getting all hot, sticky and sweaty was a really no, no in poor, little Gaara-kun's world of monotony and never-ending listlessness. But of course...getting all hot and sweaty with sexy bishies was a real turn on to Akira, Gaara's boisterous alter ego. Oh how Gaara wished he were dead and rotting in his grave by now. Being educated by a female gym teacher who looked like a man could turn switch anyone to 'emo' mode. She had mousy, brown hair that was kept clean and short. She had beady eyes that almost looked black, yet were only dark brown. Gaara noticed a little hair on her upper lip.

"…yup… she's man…." He muttered, then chuckled at himself silently.

"Get into a line!" she commanded everyone.

The boys did as they were told, Gaara was freaked out enough by this teacher that _he_ even listened.

Gaara stood slouched, so apathetic-like. Red hair partially covering his brow while he lowered his head, trying not to look her in the eye. Dark hair grazed his peripheral vision. Let's see…dark hair, glassy misted eyes, and a suggestive smirk. Who else could it be?

"Oh…I didn't know you were in this class, Gaara." The Hyuuga whispered.

"Well, now you do. Just leave me alone okay? I've already had enough trouble trying to run away from you all day."

"I thought we were buddies?" Neji questioned.

"How the hell do you know that?"

"Iruka-sensei told me."

"When?!"

"After lunch."

"Okay! Enough chit-chat!!" the gym instructor signals all of them to stand up straight and most importantly to shut up. "My name is Mrs. Hana. I'll be your gym teacher all year and I expect a lot from you guys. Considering that all of you look considerable fit, why don't we get started right away?" The gym teacher runs off to the corner and grabs the uniforms. She throws each guy a gym shirt and shorts. Gaara scowls. Dark blue never looked good on him, but he did like the grey shirt.

"I want you guys to go get changed in the locker rooms as fast as you can! Go!" she points to the exit.

XDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDX

Locker room.

Neji rather quite hastily stripped himself to his boxers right in front of Gaara. Pale skin, slender, yet graceful body. The little blush of enjoyment was inevitable at that moment for Gaara…and Akira.

"What're you looking at? Aren't you going to get dressed, Gaara? You saw that woman. She's scary as hell. C'mon get dressed."

Gaara finally snapped out of his dreamy stupor, he didn't know why he just started having 'impure thoughts' of his new classmate. He didn't why he even _had _impure thoughts of this new GUY.

Owari! Next chapter you'll find out what Gaara was thinking of….

Until next time! I'll go study for my finals now….bye! lime scene next time!


	4. Chapter 4 Stubborn Feelings

Chapter 4 Stubborn Feelings

**Akira's thoughts will be in **_italics _

Everyone had left the room, only Gaara was left. Not even Neji was there. He still couldn't kill his perverted ideas about that guy. Why? Why did it even _have _to be a guy? Only love could answer these questions. Only a heart like Gaara's was strong enough to find the answer. But right now he's confused, that poor kid. He either doesn't want to admit that Neji's hella hot, or he's too cheap to. Nah, Gaaa's not cheap if you know what I'm saying.

"Aww…that's so kawaii…Gaara-kun's having funny thoughts about the 'new' kid. Does your stomach feel weird?" A snickering voice sounded from behind.

"Say that again and I'll commit suicide right here, right now, bitch." Gaara irately retorted and turned away.

"Yeah, yeah…you're not emo enough to do that, and I'm not a bitch because I have a penis."

"Akira, I'm you so that only means I have one too. Don't assume or imply that I don't have one."

"I'm not, and you called yourself a bitch too."

Gaara thought of the irony of calling Akira a bitch. He never realized that he was only insulting himself and not getting anywhere. He hated being confused.

"Okay shut up, I have to get to class before…before…what's her name again? Before she tries to fucking rape me…" Gaara hastily made his way to the locker exit.

"I don't know, I think it was…Mrs. Hana." Akira shouted across the room.

Gaara gave a gesture of thanks from behind and closed the door.

"I can't believe she's married. O.o" uttered Akira once Gaara left.

X3X3X3X3X3X3X3X3X3X3X3X3X3X3X3X3

At the gym

"Okay, now that I see that you're all ready, I want you boys to choose your gym partners for the year! Hurry!"

Neji's eyes 'innocently' shifted to Gaara, like a snake eyeing its prey. Yeah, that type of innocent, or if you want a less abrupt explanation of how Neji was looking at the poor kid…like a little fluffy bunny eyeing a carrot. There, that's better.

The redhead head took a small step back so his face was hidden from Neji's view. Neji was probably thinking something else when he heard the word partner, especially when Gaara seemed to be his first choice. Sweat drops clung to his pale forehead out of fear of being partnered with him. Heart beating rapidly that it felt like it would burst, fingers twitching and eyes wide while staring at the floor. Isn't he such an Uke?

All the other boys had chosen they're partners, due to their previous friendships with each other last year. But no one had been friends with Gaara last year. Well, there was that Naruto freak trying to be friends with him, and his weird gang of geeks. But no, Gaara declined.

"Hey, you! What's your name, kid?" asked the gym teacher.

"My-my-uh…name? Uh-uh Ga-a-ra."

"Okay, Ga-a-ra," some of the kids laughed at her imitation of his nervous stutter.

"You'll be partnered up with him." He was too afraid to look who it was, but alas he looked anyway.

"You'll be with Neji for the _whole _year, got it, Gaara?"

The redhead scowled and clenched his fists, he never felt so angry in his life, yet never felt so relieved. A whole bunch of mixed feelings were bottled up inside him, he didn't know what to feel. Was he supposed to be happy, sad, or angry? Who knew, like I, the wonderful and awesome writer, had said…love only knew.

"The whole…year?"

"Yeah, you have a problem with that, bud?"

"N-no." that was the only reply he could think of because that scary gym teacher wore a face of a serial killer with boobs and a pen-...no, I don't think she has one.

"Good now get your ass there!"

"Ri-right."

X3X3X3X3X3X3X3X3X3X3X3X3X3X3X3X3

He could see it, that snickering face of his that bastard face of his that Hyuuga was probably grinning so wide his face would break. Even though Gaara couldn't really see it, he assumed it.

_"Remember, Gaara. Don't assume things because the word 'assume' has three words in it." _What his brother had said had suddenly popped into his head, but he assumed all he wanted despite the risk of turning in to a real ass.

Neji wasn't smiling or grinning. He didn't even look at Gaara when he was walking to him. Not even a glance. Although he looked so beautiful, just standing there. Solitary eyes, so pearly with a glossy tinge. With big, beautiful eyes staring into nothing, which seemed so innocent, Gaara didn't trust them.

I guess his bro was right. You can't assume anything. The redhead didn't know why he even cared on whether the new kid looked at him or not.

"Neji…"

"Oh…hey. I uh…I don't have a partner so-"

"I'm your partner." Neji was surprised at how fast Gaara had replied.

"Oh. Okay then." He gave a smile.

Neji couldn't see it, but Gaara as almost blushing. Inside his head he was.

X3X3X3X3X3X3X3X3X3X3X3X3X3X3X3X3

"Good! Now that everyone's paired up I want all of you to do 50 curl ups!"

"Fuck…the only thing of me that gets real exercise is my right hand."

Neji laughed at Gaara's crude sense of humor.

_Seems like they're getting along. _

"Me too." Answered Neji while still chuckling.

X3X3X3X3X3X3X3X3X3X3X3X3X3X3X3X3

"So, should I go first, or should you?"

Neither on of them seemed to volunteer so Gaara decided to do it just to get it over with.

"I'll go…"

"Okay."

The redhead lay on the floor while Neji bent down to hold Gaara's knees. Gaara felt a little tingle when Neji touched him.

_I wish Gaara could see this. Neji's got the nicest butt. _

Gaara crossed his arms across his chest and began to force himself up to do one curl up. Okay so it wasn't _that_ hard. He did 10, 20 30, then 40. He began to breathe heavily but still went on. Finally, 50.

"There, you did it, Gaara."

pant pant "Yeah. Your turn."

They both continued gym glass after.

X3X3X3X3X3X3X3X3X3X3X3X3X3X3X3X3

"Okay, boys. I want you all to shower, you all smell disgusting!" screamed Mrs. Hana.

"Damn, she's so strict on the first day." A voice in the crowd of smelly teenagers resounded.

A mass of boys tried to exit the gym altogether, but didn't seem to work. The tighter the pack got, the more sweat touched Gaara's skin. It didn't feel so good. He REALLY needed a shower now.

X3X3X3X3X3X3X3X3X3X3X3X3X3X3X3X3

"Fuck…"

"What is it?" Gaara asked.

"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. There's only one shower left!"

"So?"

"Do you know what that means?"

"Nope." Gaara looked so cute when he answered. He seemed so childlike.

"It means we'll…"

"Shower together?"

"….yeah, Gaara."

"Well, I don't mind being late 'cause my dad's going to pick me up. So I'll pass. You do know I don't like you."

Neji somewhat felt disappointed at Gaara's answer. His inner self wanted to see how that body of his looked like when it was all wet. He sighed and took off his shirt; he threw it to the corner.

"Well, _do _you wanna shower with me, or do you want to wait an hour?"

Neji was just curious. wink wink

"You take that long?"

"Yeah."

"You're joking..."

"I'm not, Gaara-kun."

"Don't fucking call me that, asshole."

"C'mon…"

The redhead thought about it for a moment and bit his lip.

"Well, number one; don't think I'm going to do this with you twice. Second, this will be my first and last time showering with a man. Third, I'm not gay."

"Does that mean yes, Gaara?"

He scratched the back of his neck and sighed for the 999 time in one day.

"Fine, fine. But no touching. If you do, I'll fucking kill you or break your body so you're close enough to dead so you suffer five years of pain, got it, bitch?"

Neji nodded.

X3X3X3X3X3X3X3X3X3X3X3X3X3X3X3X3

Neji went in first, then Gaara. He locked the door in fear of other guys seeing that they were doing. Neji twisted the shower knob on hot and a rush of warm water forced itself thorough the tiny holes of the shower head. The water felt so calming against the sweaty skin. Neji let out a small groan of enjoyment, Gaara looked at him with a weird face, even though the water and vapor distorted his vision. He still had to look at him.

"I will not look there. I will not look there. I will not look there." Muttered Gaara inwardly.

"Hm…you say something, Gaara?"

"Shut up. Don't talk to me."

"Fine…sheesh."

Gaara hesitated to get any closer to the Hyuuga. He was afraid of what would happen if he even came close to touching him. Even though Gaara did his best to not come closer, Neji's body was so…tantalizing. Everything so perfectly doused in water and glistening to the light of the shower room taunted Gaara. All the noise of sprinkling water and talking soon drowned into a muffled drone. There, Gaara was fantasizing again. He couldn't help it. I mean, who can control themselves when they're in the shower of such a smexy guy? Gaara knew how, but it was just too enticing. He took a few steps forward to get under the 'umbrella' of hot water. Neji quietly gasped and jerked a little. Oh, how good it felt. How good it felt to have his fragile body pressed against _him. _Even though he didn't know this guy, he felt safe, too safe. Right now, Gaara didn't want to think about that. Maybe this was going too far, Gaara thought. Way too far. The redhead held his hands against Neji's firm chest and abruptly pushed away as he, himself, had also jerked back. The Hyuuga looked at dazed and surprised.

"I'm sorry…Neji. I have to leave. Bye…" His face was so lost, eyes were wide and wandering.

The redhead hurriedly turned to unlock the door, leaving Neji alone. Gaara could imagine the Hyuuga's face. Pearly eyes so puzzled, mouth parted with little breaths of air to accompany it. It was a perfect face to feel depressed about.

"Sorry…for what, Gaara?" he whispered to himself.

X3X3X3X3X3X3X3X3X3X3X3X3X3X3X3X3

Dear Shukaku, 

I hate this. I'm so confused and I wish mom was here. I don't know what to do right now. It's the first day, and you see, there's this new kid. His name is Neji. Well, he's an asshole. I can't really stand him, but I can't seem to keep my steady flow of hate steady at all toward him. Today in gym class, I was thinking thoughts about him. And you know what thoughts I'm talking about. You know, _those _thoughts. Like an adolescent teenage boy looking at pornography for the first time. I felt like I wanted to do things with him-no-to him. I wanted to…just…just…no, I'm not ready to say that….I won't say it, not even to you, Shukaku. 

What can I do to avoid him? It seems like my stomach is tying itself in a hundred knots when I'm near him. Okay, so I have to admit he's good looking for a guy. But he's GUY, and I'm a GUY. That doesn't go right. But, Shukaku, why do I feel such a strange feeling around him? He's got a hot body…fuck! Why the hell do I write in pen? Should I feel afraid, shy or what? Holy crap, he's got the most beautiful eyes…shit…I can't believe I just wrote that. Fuck it, I'm going to sleep. Tomorrow I'll ignore him. And if he comes near, I'll slice his balls in half… 

I need you mom, you'd know what to do. All I know is, I'm not going to be gay. I hope not. 

The redhead sighs and rests his coveted journal, mostly coveted by his siblings although never dared to read in fear of getting killed, on the nightstand. No one in the family knew the depth of Gaara's thoughts, they were too complex, even for Kankurou, who was probably the closest to him now. He blinked wearily and closed his eyes.

_"Love only knows…" whispers Akira. _

Hey, thank for you patience and I'm glad you read!

Please review if you wish.

undeadmetalhead


	5. Chapter 5 Reluctant

Okay, so I'm writing the WHOLE THING IN FIRST PERSON

It must be Love

_Wake up, sleepyhead…_

I don't want to wake up, I'm not going to.

I unwillingly open my eyes, I feel like crap today. I don't want to see his face and I feel like a little brat hanging on to the open door of a car on the very first day of school. I'm just hanging on.

"_Don't tell me you're not going to school today, because you know your siblings will be nagging you."_

I struggle to lift an arm and wave a gesture of indifference. I didn't care…I'm not going to care. I felt like the curtains were beginning to thin, every second it seemed the sun was trying to wake me, but there wasn't a ray of sunlight in the room. Weird... I hear Akira muttering in the background, saying how sissy I was and I just didn't want to go to school because I might encounter Neji. I was pissed, but only because he was correct. I hate it when people see right through me.

"I'm not a sissy." I groaned under the sheets.

"_Bullshit!" _Akira retorts.

"Fuck off."

"_Do you really wish that?"_

"Yeah, I do."

I feel curious and actually partially lifted the sheets to check if he had really gone. He's not there. Well, it's not like I need him anyways; he's just a stupid obstruction that's thwarting me from killing that damned Neji. Yeah, I don't need him.

There was an extreme silence, almost deafening. Not even the tick tock of the clock could break the stillness. Then, my mind starts to stray, I'm thinking of him. What the hell? Bloody hell! I can't believe he's the first one I think of in the morning. I remember gym class, his brazen effort to flirt with me; I remember every damn moment I spent with him in that….no, I will forget it all.

I'll go to school today, I will ignore him and I don't need any of that Akira's help. I will forget him today…

* * *

I near the entrance to the school, and for some reason, I'm thinking of cottage cheese. I inwardly laugh at my sad attempt to not think of that bastard of a guy. Every step I draw closer to the door handles, it feels like my heart's breaking through my ribs. This day will be so hard.

The first person I see is Naruto, that airheaded blonde. He waves a hello; I just give off a wan sarcastic smile. It was really quite amusing to see him this morning; I just didn't know what it was. Okay, so I don't hate him...maybe, just maybe.

"How are you this morning, Gaara-kun?"

His voice is so jovial that it makes me sick.

"Uh-Uh, I'm fine."

He frowns and shrugs, then runs off to find his other friends. God, how does this guy keep this up? It's like he's never upset, but then again a smile can disguise so much pain. I'm afraid I'm not as accomplished as Naruto when it comes to living a lie. But how am I supposed to know all this? I can just feel he's been through a lot. Wow, I answered my own question.

I blankly stare at the noisy crowd and subconsciously hunt for Neji. Even if I don't mean to, my eyes have a mind of their own.

I freeze and curse myself for looking his way. It seems like my blood has run cold and there is this unexplainable, wretched feeling in my guts. I recall people complaining about butterflies in their stomachs, and now I know what they were complaining about. The endless crowd of students seems to blur out, except that one figure. Despite my Sisyphean efforts to forget, fate has led me to this one despicable moment. All the blurred figures seem to be disappearing, only leaving the two of us in this giant hallway. All sound had been ceased; all but his echoing footsteps that make me cringe.

Everything is painfully playing in slow motion, the sweat on my brow never seems to move, and my heart feels like it doesn't beat. That pitiful feeling in my gut won't die.

He's so close, God! He's so close! Akira! Akira! Please just distract me!

I'm so desperate right now, I'm even calling for him, but what the hell is he going to do? Fuck, I can't think _straight_.

Oh wow..I finally updated after..I don't know, it feels like a damn year! Haha...sorry.

:) forgive me.


	6. Chapter 6 Impression

I am terribly sorry for the time it has taken my lazy ass to update. It's been a while, I know. I think a year almost since I've taken the time to revisit my stories. ^__^'' Well, I've just been extremely busy with school. Nuff said.

Enjoy.

**Recap **

_I freeze and curse myself for looking his way. It seems like my blood has run cold and there is this unexplainable, wretched feeling in my guts. I recall people complaining about butterflies in their stomachs, and now I know what they were complaining about. The endless crowd of students seems to blur out, except that one figure. Despite my Sisyphean efforts to forget, fate has led me to this one despicable moment. All the blurred figures seem to be disappearing, only leaving the two of us in this giant hallway. All sound had been ceased; all but his echoing footsteps that make me cringe._

_Everything is painfully playing in slow motion, the sweat on my brow never seems to move, and my heart feels like it doesn't beat. That pitiful feeling in my gut won't die._

_He's so close, God! He's so close! Akira! Akira! Please just distract me!_

_I'm so desperate right now, I'm even calling for him, but what the hell is he going to do? Fuck, I can't think_ _**straight**_**.**

**End of Recap**

**Well, this is going to be written all in Gaara's POV**

I can almost feel the previously rapid heartbeat instantly freeze.

It's a scary feeling; almost like you won't breathe again; it's somewhat a good thing that you won't be able to, however.

My fingers feel cold, almost numb, and I can't move them either. I can't read his face. Is he angry? Is he happy? I can't tell, but each subsequent footstep is like a loud church bell; it's the only thing I hear and I cannot think. His eyes haven't lost their sheen, but it's frightening to look at them now. To know that he's seen a weak side of me is almost terrifying and makes me shudder to the core.

Almost two feet away, he shifts his foot to the left and walks on to avert the obstacle before him—me. He didn't even say hello. I don't know what I'm supposed to feel now. He just walked away. Truth be told, I feel disappointed. It's a little strange, how I want somebody who I obviously cannot stand to notice _me. _Am I that attention craving that I would even resort to the attention of someone I don't really like? No. It can't be that, I barely talk to anybody. It must be something else. Then again, also feel so relieved. Now that he and I are avoiding one another, there's not much of the likelihood another awkward encounter. I then realize that he and I have the same classes today, too; every day of the school year.

I hear the bell ring and feel a little embarrassed at the fact that I had been standing in the middle of an emptying hallway like a depressed mime, I have no words to explain things, and my only action taken was to stand there. I wish I could just cut an invisible string and let a grand piano fall and crush me. People are walking away—to their classes. Yes, my class. I remember now. I take out my schedule and head my way towards my first art class of the year, which in my case, could possibly be a disaster.

I reluctantly place my hand on the handle of room B38 and sigh before I step in. I pop my head in and see a few students populating the stools behind the giant marble art tables. Thankfully, there weren't many seats taken yet and I had the option of choosing a seat that was of comfortable proximity to the front of the room where Mrs. Devereux has been teaching art for six years.

I look around the room and take in the room that I have not seen for three months. I can see that all the pottery done the previous year is polished and without dust, the brushes are new and the paint bottles refilled. It still has that same smell of drying acrylics and antique paper, and large glossy and newly cleaned windows over twelve feet tall behind me, easels in the far right corner, numerous white cupboards keeping all the art supplies, and Mrs. Devereux's paintings hanging all over the walls. It feels a little nostalgic here. It's the only place in school where I've been offered asylum from the hectic life of adolescence. Her vase of white daises seems to age as much of her spirit. She changes them every four days. She hates dead things.

I try not to bring too much attention to myself, until I see her walking towards me with her arms wide open and her face wearing a grin. It's impossible to not notice her. Her auburn hair still has the same wave and vibrancy as always, no gray to be seen either. I can see that her eyes are jovial, her pale emerald pupils such a contrast to the fiery red hair, her skin still slightly freckled and pale seems to glow in the early morning light. She has such soft features of a woman of forty-five. She looks so much like mom. Today she's wearing one of those south-east Asian linen outfits. She's wearing a bright turquoise tunic and white Capri pants. Her numerous bangles clank and her shimmering oversized rings festoon her digits. So very artsy of her today.

Mrs. Devereux doesn't have a husband any longer, and she never had any children either. Maybe that's why she sees all of her students as her children. It's so strange, how she treats me like her own. She embraces me tightly and I can't help but return the embrace. She's so motherly sometimes, it's almost comforting, but she can't be a replacement for my real mother.

"How have you been? Have you improved your art during the summer? I can't wait!"

She smiles and pats my head affectionately. It was awkward, but it makes me feel a little more uplifted than before. Just to hear her voice, it's consoling. She has a soothing French accent, so elegant and delicate her pronunciation and tone.

"Oh. Um, yeah. I have been drawing a lot lately, but mostly it's abstract. I enjoy doing art that not many people can understand, only interpret for themselves." I give her my best smile.

"That's good, that's good! I still remember the last pieces that you showed me. My, they really made an impression. It's hard to forget them, they were so beautiful." She paused for a moment and gave another maternal smile. She then realizes she's got to teach her other children.

More students who have finally found the room flood in. Sorry for the use of the word 'flood'. It seems like I'm implying many students. No, there are only five that come in. In our school, not many can find the time to take this class. Everyone is either too busy with their grades or too busy calling themselves bad artists. Ms. Devereux told me once that people who frequently call themselves bad artists will never get anywhere, for they keep hindering their own potential as an artist. She also said that artists who think they are bad artists get somewhere; some sort of motivation to be better, or something like that.

Anyways, I get a glimpse of a tall, almost graceful, figure. Out of those five, you guessed it; he walks in from the door. I don't even have to look all the way, I can just feel this aura of tension around me augment. I just needed to glimpse. He doesn't know where to sit. I watch him from the corner of my eye, half wishing that he wouldn't sit here and half wishing he would. Two wishes; the disparity between them is shocking. A positive and a negative will simply only make a negative. So maybe he won't sit here, and maybe I'll feel happy. Maybe I'll just end up not caring.

* * *

As I expected, he doesn't sit at my table; nobody sits at _my _table anyways. Nobody really ever has. Now that I think about this, I feel rather pathetic.

Mrs. Devereux explains our first task. She wants us to show her our skills and she tells us to draw something that represents ourselves. I see that she's starting this year quite differently. Usually, she'd start teaching about the elements of art; the value, color, movement, rhythm, etc. But now we're actually starting off with a twist. I guess.

A picture that represents _me_? Truly, nothing comes to mind, or maybe I just don't want to show people who I am. As much as I enjoyed many of my teacher's assignments for most of the time she's been teaching me, I find this one rather unpleasant. We would have critiques after, just like ever other task I needed to fulfill in the past.

I don't want to disappoint her; I'm thinking that she's expecting a lot from me. What an idiot I am for telling her that I've improved. Which, isn't necessarily untrue, but it's just that I have stage fright, or getting-up-and-having-to-explain-myself-phobia. Is that a word? Whatever. I've always had trouble letting people see who I am.

She hands us all sketch paper and a 2B pencil. She requires that we all bring it to class everyday and says that she doesn't want us using any mechanical pencils. She says we can't shade properly with them. I chuckle to myself at the redundancy of her speech; I hear it _every_ year. She's so awesome, Mrs. Devereux.

I stare at my paper and ponder to myself. I have many ideas, but afraid of disappointing myself. Whatever my brain thinks of, my hands cannot relay onto paper. I am so frustrated, I am confused. Maybe I should draw something abstract? Maybe an object or a plant? Or how about an optical illusion? I don't know. I decide to not overcomplicate things and just decided to make a quick self-portrait instead. Many people think that a picture of self-presentation must be abstract, or only understood by the artist. Why not just do a literal self-portrait? I begin to laugh inside at the simplicity of the idea.

I watch the dark lines that I scratch onto the clean, but rough, surface of the paper. I find it somewhat beautiful. It's so easy to make pencil lines, yet it's so hard to erase them no matter how hard you try to rub them out. I'm enjoying my own little solace in my world of imagination until Mrs. Devereux distinctive voice cuts my pleasure short. I don't look up, but just keep making my lines. Well, she's definitely complimenting someone, but it's definitely not me either. It's not like her. She seldom calls anything beautiful unless she really means it. Those words are usually reserved for me.

I hear a soft and reserved, but indisputably flattered voice say Thank You.

Is she calling Neji's work _beautiful? _

_

* * *

_I'll try and update as soon as possible :)

Hope you liked it.


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